I want to invite you to join me at a small-town cafe in Belmont, NC, across the street from the city park. Inside it’s cozy, with seating for about twenty. Outside are tables and chairs made of metal wire and mesh, the kind that leaves marks on your elbows after a few minutes. As you get out of your car, you smell the inviting aroma of french fries and burgers. You go inside and, since it’s still early in the afternoon, you order yourself a milkshake. You go back outside to spend a few minutes watching cars and listening to kids play on the playground.
You notice a couple of men sitting at a table near the door. They’re decent looking fellows, clean-shaven and conservatively dressed. The older man is definitely leading the conversation, but you note how he’s taking a keen interest in the younger man. He’s not brow-beating him or pointing a finger in his face. He’s talking kindly to him, asking him questions, and you get the distinct impression that the younger man has been through a hard time lately, and his friend is trying to encourage him.
The young man doesn’t know it at the time, but he’s in the middle of the most challenging season of his life. He’s been married for a few years, and he and his young bride have gone through some gut-wrenching hardships. Their first child was born with only half of her heart, requiring her to have open heart surgery at ten days old and again at five months old. She has at least one more surgery in her near future. Their second child was born just 20 months after their first but he was premature, weighing less than two pounds. He is still in the NICU at a local hospital. All of this happened while they were training for ministry and working as the youth pastor of a small church. That church recently imploded, leaving the young man without a job.
The other man responds with grace, kindness, and empathy to the young man’s story. He tells him that he can’t imagine how it must feel, and that’s why, when he heard about the situation, he decided to reach out, though they had never met before. Then he slides a book across the table and tells the young man that he sincerely believes that the message in the book would transform his life if he would read it. Given his background in a very strict, conservative church, it may be something he’s never heard before. They talk for a few more minutes before they finally stand up, shake hands, and part ways.
That young man was me in the summer of 2005. That summer was full of upheaval for my wife and me, and it left us wounded and confused. Though there were many people that I could have reached out to for counsel and encouragement, I’m not sure I knew how much I needed it. And the only one who reached out to me was the other gentleman of whom I spoke. No former pastor, dorm mate, teacher, or college professor ever picked up the phone and invited me to meet and talk. It was a friend of a friend who worked for a grace-based discipleship ministry that took the initiative and sought to help me, a brother in need.
I read the book he gave me, and he was right. It said things that I never remembered hearing before, things about grace and how our relationship with God is based on who we are in Christ and not how we perform. It made the case that rules actually damage our fellowship with God, and the only way to live the Christian life was to immerse ourselves in God’s grace completely. Then we would only want to do what God wants us to do.
I am thankful he reached out to me, and I’m grateful that I read the books he gave me. The encounter reoriented me to a better view of God’s grace and my relationship with God than I had before. But, at first, it almost ship-wrecked my faith.
As I read the books, there were many times that I would stop and think to myself, “I’m not sure about that.” There were plenty of Bible references used, but I had the distinct sense that some of them were not being used properly. They were being made to say something that God might not have intended for them to say. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on what the problems were. I just knew something didn’t seem quite right.
I remember one portion of the first book, particularly. The author was making the case that rules cause us to sin. He used the example of a park bench with a sign on it that read, “Wet Paint, Don’t Touch.” The chances are that you would never even think to touch the bench, but once you see the sign, the urge to touch it to see if the paint is still wet overcomes you. See! The rule caused you to sin. Then he referenced Romans chapter seven, where Paul states that when the commandment comes, sin revives, and we die. There you have it! Rules are bad, so we need to ditch the rules and just enjoy the relationship we have with God by grace.
It would be several years before I would be able to articulate what was wrong with that conclusion. Paul never said that rules cause us to sin. He said that the Old Testament law proves that we are sinners. To use the former illustration, the “wet paint” sign doesn’t make us want to touch the bench. It reveals that we have a rebellious heart that needs to be redeemed! Giving the law was one of the most gracious things that God ever did because it brings us to the point where we say, “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord[!]” (Romans 7:24-25b)
Those books caused me to reevaluate my walk with God. It forced me to answer specific questions like, “Why am I doing what I do? Am I obeying the Bible to try and earn God’s favor or am I following the do’s and don’ts of scripture because I have already received God’s favor? Is sanctification by works, or is it the same as salvation, by grace through faith?” After a time of intense introspection combined with further study of God’s Word I came to the conviction that sanctification is by grace through faith just like salvation and the reason I should obey God’s rules is that I’ve already been granted His favor. I also came to the conviction that using grace as an excuse to indulge the desires of my flesh is the epitome of presumption and pride. “Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? God forbid!” (Romans 6:1)
But the other view of grace is very appealing. Who wouldn’t want to throw off the shackles of rules and regulations and just enjoy the relationship? Who wouldn’t want to be free to do as they please, believing that because they are in Christ, what they please will only be what pleases Him? However, a view of grace that leads one to live a lawless life is unbiblical. It is turning the grace of God into lasciviousness. (Jude 4) It is doing despite to the spirit of grace. (Hebrews 10:29) It is ignoring the truth that God’s grace teaches us to deny ungodliness and worldly lusts. (Titus 2:11-12) It is ignorant of the fact that all who name the name of Christ should depart from iniquity. (2 Timothy 2:19) It erases the lines of distinction between God’s children and the world, from which He has commanded us to be separate. (2 Corinthians 6:17)
Rules govern every relationship. When my wife and I were married, we exchanged wedding vows. Among those vows was the promise to be faithful to each other until death parts us. That’s a promise and thus a rule in our relationship. But we don’t keep that rule to earn each other’s love, we keep that rule because we love each other. So it is in our relationship with God. We don’t follow the teachings and principles of scripture to earn God’s love. We follow the rules because God loves us and we love Him. As Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15)
You may be on the fence about whether grace and rules can coexist. Maybe you have jumped to the other side because you thought the proverbial grass was greener. I understand where you are. It may seem like a breath of fresh air after the strict upbringing you had. But I encourage you to come back down into God’s pasture of obedience because of love. The pleasure of indulging your flesh can never compare to the joy of obeying God out of a heart of love.
